The Art of the First Impression

The impression we leave on others has always fascinated me, perhaps it's why my favourite game is something called True Colors: a game wherein you have to guess how many people 'voted' for your statement to be most associated with yourself. It's not so much a game of how well people know you, but how well you know how people perceive you. Both being topics that interest me. If you look it up, apparently the game has been butchered into a 'mean-spirited' and not quite as fun a game since it's original 1989 incarnation, but I digress.

I recently had a discussion with a friend of mine about first impressions. She believes she must make a terrible one because she's never acquired a job where she didn't already know someone currently working there. I have never had a job where I knew someone there beforehand; this may be partly due to the fact that I was the first of my friends to get a job so I couldn't exactly rely on them in this manner. Then again, once they did get jobs I wasn't interested in working where they did, and possibly just not working with them at all (I think having personal space apart from friends or family is a good thing). It's an interesting point though, that we have entirely different experiences with the job market and yet she seems like a friendly enough person.

However, she did make a couple of other statements which made me wonder whether she wasn't correct about her first impression theory. But what is it that makes a good impression on people? She told me she hates searching for jobs (I think most would agree) and the need to pretend you really want to work wherever you're applying, etc. Perhaps I'm not quite as misanthropic as some of my friends and so don't feel quite like I'm 'acting' when I apply for jobs. There is a bit of that inherent in the art of the search, but there's no reason you can't come across as sincere as well. Maybe my friend gives a bad impression because people can see through her feigned interest and enthusiasm when she applies. I know I'm a bit more 'over the top' friendly and enthusiastic than I normally would be in my day-to-day life when I'm applying for a new job, but it goes with the territory. However, I also make a point of genuinely being in a good mood when I go out to apply. I can't 'fake' being nice when I'm in a bad--or even blah--mood, and I wonder if my friend doesn't have the same problem. People are subconsciously aware of a lot more than we realize. Whether you're aware of it or not, when you meet someone you do register their body language and the volumes that it speaks. It's why we make snap judgements on people within 5-7 seconds of seeing or meeting someone.

So, how does one make a good first impression? I'd have to say sincerity plays a large part. I don't think I've ever heard anyone say they like 'fake' people. Disagree? Leave a comment and we can discuss.

Repentance and Regret:

"Repentence is not a virtue, that is, it does not arise from reason. Rather, he who repents what he did is twice miserable." -Baruch Spinoza

So what then of the repentance of the Bible? Is it necessary?
There are two definitions given for repentance:

1] to turn away from sin and reform one's life
2] to feel sorry for something done; regret.

But if regret is bad, making us "twice miserable", then why bother. Is it really necessary to 'confess' to God (or man) if we recognize we've done something that we shouldn't have and don't wish to do again. If the recognition and decision/resolve to 'turn away' is there, are confession and repentance not redundant?

I cannot bring myself to agree that I should dredge up old 'sins' and misdeeds deliberately during "prayer time" to confess and repent and ask forgiveness for something that as far as I'm concerned is over and done with and not to be repeated if it can be helped. Isn't it better to live with no regrets (because regret holds us in the past, often to the detriment of our present) but vow to learn from the situations that are now undesirable (i.e. regrets)--I mean, isn't that what regrets are, decisions made that seemed like a good idea at the time, but (for whatever reason) are no longer viewed positively.

The definition of regret is as follows:
regret - to be sorrowful for something that is beyond your control to remedy.

Essentially, regret is a waste of time. It's like the Serenity Prayer: "God grant me the ability to change the things I can, and to accept the things I cannot." If regret is a part of repentance, and regret essentially makes you miserable, then no wonder I was miserable when I was going to church... it's structured into the program! But that's another topic.

We are tortured with regret by constant confession rather than taught to live a life of 'no regrets', which does not mean not living, but rather leaving the past where it belongs--in the past--and learning from your mistakes.

Until next time...

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

Art imitating life imitating art?

I know I've neglected this blog for a while, I think I bit off more than I can chew by adding this to my many projects at the moment. The practical has taken precedence over my more philosophical thoughts as of late and, thus, the neglect. However, I was watching what could be called 'ultra-violent' movies last night and I thought I'd throw a commonly posed question out there: Does watching violence make us violent?

I know this has been considered a lot because of the school shootings that have happened in the past ten years. But really, is it just disturbed or violent people acting out or are the video games, movies and music to blame? Perhaps it's a mixture of both, but I do think you have to be a bit more predisposed to violence and hate to act on what you see and imitate it.

I'll admit, I greatly enjoy movie violence at times, Deathproof and Planet Terror being perfect examples of this; however, I'm not a fan of real life violence. I've witnessed two fights--one in high school and one at a concert a year or two ago--and the experience was not something I enjoyed. It made me a bit sick to my stomach. It seems pointless, especially the one that I witnessed in high school which was started by one guy throwing Smarties at another and ended in one of them being punched in the head repeatedly. Where does one logically lead to the other???

Perhaps it's because I tend to make the disconnect between movies and reality that one bothers me and the other doesn't. Movies may be violent, but they aren't real. It is sanitized and safe because it remains on the screen and doesn't disrupt your own life. Real violence doesn't play by those rules, it is disruptive and destructive and utterly unpredictable at times.

Agree? Disagree? What are your thoughts?