Children of Divorce

A friend of mine over the course of a few months recently kept saying something that kind of bugged me. The first time she said it, I took it as part of the context of our conversation without taking any offense. However, she repeated it the next few times I saw her as well. And it started to bug me. Why was she feeling the need to say this? Why to me?

"I'm so glad my parents are still together." 

To some that might sound totally innocuous, but to me and my other friends who are children of divorce it is offensive. Especially because in the situations that we come from, we all know that our parents are not good together or good for each other.So, why would we want them to stay together?

I've had friends whose parents did stay together for the kids and, when they found out as teenagers, they were horrified. They would have far rather had their parents be apart and happy than together and unhappy. 

Personally, I feel that I have gained a lot from the fact that my parents aren't together. I am wiser and stronger for having dealt with everything I have. I am painfully aware that things are not perfect, relationships don't always work. I've also had the amazing privilege (as have my friends) of having surrogate families who were the example of what my parents were not, who loved me as one of their own even though blood ties did not require it. Someone please tell me how that is a bad thing?

I know this doesn't necessarily apply to everyone. However, I am sure that anyone who is not okay with their parents' divorce doesn't want to hear my friend's statement either. It strikes a nerve.

I tried to figure out why this bothers me so much and I think a large part of it has to do with the fact that a large part of my identity stems from being a child of divorce. It affects who I am and the way I am. I do not let it define me entirely, but it is also not something I can ignore.

I am happy with who I am for the most part and I know that, if I had not been through all the things I have to date, I would not be the same person. Granted, I have issues stemming from my parents not being together (mostly due to my dad not being around), but I still wouldn't change anything for the world. I am stronger, I am wiser. I've learned so much from having to deal with a parent who was effectively AWOL and guilt-ridden. While there is a price to be paid for being a child of divorce, there is something to be gained from it as well.

I would rather dwell on the good than the bad.