Conflict can be a Tool

I am generally known as someone who 'has a lot of fights'. So, I suppose it would only be natural that I of all people would find the good in conflict.

Someone recently tried to point out my conflict-ridden life to me as if I was unaware of my reality. It bugs me that I come across as someone who is prone to fighting, but truly, not all of these conflicts have been my fault. Also, because I don't take shit from people and I also want to drive people to be their absolute best, I tend to end up in the middle of more than my fair share of fights.

However, I've learned something recently about this process. I know so many people who avoid conflict like it's the Plague. The person who pointed out my 'problem' is one such example. I have never believed that avoiding issues and problems will help you. It does not make your relationships healthy to walk away. It may seem like everything is hunky-dory because no one is talking about it, but it really just means you have a superficial handle on your relationship.

Conflict can be a good thing. There have been a few things to make me come to this realization: my relationships that have survived (multiple) fights are the strongest I've ever had; secondly, I have learned something (if not many things) every single time I get into conflict with someone. I am very analytical and I don't tend to let any opportunity to analyze and learn from evade me. I feel that I am stronger and wiser for all that I have been through. Friends of mine who have also encountered difficulty in their relationships (whether with me or others) seem to have a new-found wisdom once on the other side of conflict.

Conflict doesn't have to mean yelling or anything generally associated with fighting. Conflict comes out of not seeing things the same way. We were not meant to be exact replicas of one another and so it is inevitable that there will be clashes, differences of opinion. The best thing that can come out of conflict is dialogue. Communication can change the nature of the conflict. It can bring a new understanding. And sometimes the conflict is necessary to fix something that was broken, even the ability to communicate.

Which brings me to that point about my relationships being stronger for having been through the fire of conflict. It's because we have communicated. We have found a way to explain ourselves and better understand one another. It doesn't always go well initially, but whatever bond has been formed always seems to withstand our differences.

It is not just understanding someone else that can be learned from conflict, but about yourself, what you stand for, who really matters to you and why. Pretty much everything I've learned in my life has found its origins in some form of conflict. I wish everyone would stop being so afraid of conflict and realize that it might not be the worst thing in the world. You might learn something.

Up next: Why do bad things happen to good people?