Mediocrity vs. Greatness

I find it interesting that we find it easier to be failures or, more commonly, to settle for mediocrity rather than pursuing greatness. I got to thinking about this because of a friend's convocation ceremony earlier this week at which one of the speakers quoted Nelson Mandela:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

The speaker quoted only the first three sentences, but it is such a powerful idea. My graduating friend didn't find the speakers interesting, but this had a huge impact on me, especially because I am currently embarking on a journey to avoid falling into mediocrity. My ambitions will flounder if I stay in Victoria forever; my story will not be the one I want to live if I stay put.  

I also  know this passage to be true: when I was seventeen, I was terrified by God whispering "I have big plans for you." That's a lot to handle for a seventeen year old.

Why are we so afraid of ourselves? Is it that we fear reproach from others for our successes? I mean, if everyone else settles for mediocrity, the successful or those who follow their dreams remind the mediocre of what they failed to achieve with their lives. It's easier to be mediocre when everyone else around you is doing the same.

My decision to take this journey across Canada was rather abrupt and perhaps sounds a bit crazy to others and, because of that, I was expecting resistance from everyone I told. Instead, I have been blown away by the positive support from everyone. They are proud of me for taking a leap, and everyone has said that they don't think they could do it but admire my courage nonetheless.

I believe we all need to be reminded, including myself, that we are beautiful creatures, powerful beyond measure.

You are capable of wonderful things.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

I had a thought the other night over dinner because I have been talking about conflict and how it can be a good thing because of all that can be learned.

Everyone always asks "if God is so good, then why do bad things happen to good people?"

I think I may have an answer: It's because we learn more from going through the hard stuff than we would from having everything be peaches and sunshine all the time. You grow more from going through difficulties. It's called building character. You cannot learn to be patient until your patience is tested. I cannot learn to practice restraint unless I am tempted to do the opposite and let loose with the full force of my anger.

If God is supposed to work all things together for our good (Romans 8:28, if anyone is interested)--we become better people, we end up where we were meant to be rather than where we thought we wanted to be--then isn't it worth it to have had to endure difficulty? Life is supposed to be a journey, a learning process.

"In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world."  -John 16:33.

Conflict can be a Tool

I am generally known as someone who 'has a lot of fights'. So, I suppose it would only be natural that I of all people would find the good in conflict.

Someone recently tried to point out my conflict-ridden life to me as if I was unaware of my reality. It bugs me that I come across as someone who is prone to fighting, but truly, not all of these conflicts have been my fault. Also, because I don't take shit from people and I also want to drive people to be their absolute best, I tend to end up in the middle of more than my fair share of fights.

However, I've learned something recently about this process. I know so many people who avoid conflict like it's the Plague. The person who pointed out my 'problem' is one such example. I have never believed that avoiding issues and problems will help you. It does not make your relationships healthy to walk away. It may seem like everything is hunky-dory because no one is talking about it, but it really just means you have a superficial handle on your relationship.

Conflict can be a good thing. There have been a few things to make me come to this realization: my relationships that have survived (multiple) fights are the strongest I've ever had; secondly, I have learned something (if not many things) every single time I get into conflict with someone. I am very analytical and I don't tend to let any opportunity to analyze and learn from evade me. I feel that I am stronger and wiser for all that I have been through. Friends of mine who have also encountered difficulty in their relationships (whether with me or others) seem to have a new-found wisdom once on the other side of conflict.

Conflict doesn't have to mean yelling or anything generally associated with fighting. Conflict comes out of not seeing things the same way. We were not meant to be exact replicas of one another and so it is inevitable that there will be clashes, differences of opinion. The best thing that can come out of conflict is dialogue. Communication can change the nature of the conflict. It can bring a new understanding. And sometimes the conflict is necessary to fix something that was broken, even the ability to communicate.

Which brings me to that point about my relationships being stronger for having been through the fire of conflict. It's because we have communicated. We have found a way to explain ourselves and better understand one another. It doesn't always go well initially, but whatever bond has been formed always seems to withstand our differences.

It is not just understanding someone else that can be learned from conflict, but about yourself, what you stand for, who really matters to you and why. Pretty much everything I've learned in my life has found its origins in some form of conflict. I wish everyone would stop being so afraid of conflict and realize that it might not be the worst thing in the world. You might learn something.

Up next: Why do bad things happen to good people?

Letting Go of the Past

I find it interesting that people can be so contradictory. Seemingly mature and responsible, but yet unable to take responsibility for themselves emotionally. Claiming to be happy with where they are in the present yet complain almost constantly about something from their past that they wish had never happened. It seems like a contradiction in terms to me because, without that past that you so despise, you would not be where you are now. So, which is the lie? If you really are content with the present, then the only thing to do is to reconcile your feelings regarding your past.

I sincerely feel that there should be a statute of limitations on how long you can complain about something from your past. It helps no one if you continue to harp on something that you cannot change, especially not yourself. I understand the need to vent, to rant, to complain, to even work through your issues by talking about it (often repeatedly). That's not the kind of thing I'm referring to. Rather, it's when someone is figuratively banging their head against a wall instead of moving forward. There is a point where complaining is no longer appropriate and action needs to be taken.

I've grown up knowing the definition of 'crazy' to be this:

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." -Albert Einstein

I think that point of too much complaining and not enough problem solving is a perfect example of this quote. I've known people who do this for a long period of time. They are dissatisfied with something in their lives, either their present or their past and yet refuse to do anything to change the intolerable situation. I find it hard to be sympathetic to their plight once it becomes apparent that they are not doing anything to help themselves.

It all comes down to the fact that you are in charge of your life. You can change what is wrong in your life. Some things are easier to change than others... like your past. There is nothing you can do to change the past, except the way you view it. It seems so many people get stuck on something. Something they wish they could change, something they wish had never happened. People get wrapped up in regret....

But I don't believe in regret. I don't think it helps us. I think it hinders growth, it holds us back. And it's a good thing I don't believe in regret either, because I would have a lot to regret if I did. My past remains in the past where it should stay. It doesn't mean it's gone, it doesn't mean I've forgotten it. It just means that I don't let it hold me back from moving forward in my life.

As I told a friend in a letter a few months back:

Learn to let things go. There are a lot of hurts in life. I know, I've had my fair share. Letting go does not mean the hurt entirely goes away, but it does mean you can move on without carrying so much weight. You will cry less, I can almost guarantee it. It also doesn't mean you entirely forget all the hurts, but rather find a way to not dwell on them, to loosen their hold on your heart. If you hang onto every hurt (big or small), think how much harder it will be to cope ten years from now when the hurts have multiplied.

 I sincerely hope that anyone who reads this can learn to let go of whatever is holding them back in their life.

Children of Divorce

A friend of mine over the course of a few months recently kept saying something that kind of bugged me. The first time she said it, I took it as part of the context of our conversation without taking any offense. However, she repeated it the next few times I saw her as well. And it started to bug me. Why was she feeling the need to say this? Why to me?

"I'm so glad my parents are still together." 

To some that might sound totally innocuous, but to me and my other friends who are children of divorce it is offensive. Especially because in the situations that we come from, we all know that our parents are not good together or good for each other.So, why would we want them to stay together?

I've had friends whose parents did stay together for the kids and, when they found out as teenagers, they were horrified. They would have far rather had their parents be apart and happy than together and unhappy. 

Personally, I feel that I have gained a lot from the fact that my parents aren't together. I am wiser and stronger for having dealt with everything I have. I am painfully aware that things are not perfect, relationships don't always work. I've also had the amazing privilege (as have my friends) of having surrogate families who were the example of what my parents were not, who loved me as one of their own even though blood ties did not require it. Someone please tell me how that is a bad thing?

I know this doesn't necessarily apply to everyone. However, I am sure that anyone who is not okay with their parents' divorce doesn't want to hear my friend's statement either. It strikes a nerve.

I tried to figure out why this bothers me so much and I think a large part of it has to do with the fact that a large part of my identity stems from being a child of divorce. It affects who I am and the way I am. I do not let it define me entirely, but it is also not something I can ignore.

I am happy with who I am for the most part and I know that, if I had not been through all the things I have to date, I would not be the same person. Granted, I have issues stemming from my parents not being together (mostly due to my dad not being around), but I still wouldn't change anything for the world. I am stronger, I am wiser. I've learned so much from having to deal with a parent who was effectively AWOL and guilt-ridden. While there is a price to be paid for being a child of divorce, there is something to be gained from it as well.

I would rather dwell on the good than the bad. 

Contemplating Ideas

I don't even know where to start. I have so much I want to address right now: TiMER and all the issues it brings up; how conflict can be a good thing; taking responsibility for one's life and actions; not living in the past (this might be more related to 'taking responsibility'); and the good that can come from divorce.

That last one may sound weird, but there is a reason this comes up. More to come soon...

A thoughtful pause

Much as I would love to be continuing on with the philosophical bent of my life and this blog, it just seems that does not come up as frequently as it once did. Instead, I find myself wanting to keep a record of my more recent efforts to find a job teaching overseas. This has proved to be challenging, not least because of my lack of experience in this area.

It seems every time I get my hopes up about a current opportunity looking my way, be it in Georgia (the Republic, not the state), Mexico, or South Korea, something gets me quite unnerved about what is facing me. It is not that I am afraid of change, or a challenge. On the contrary, I welcome the adventure. However, recruiters and recruiting companies may sound good and seem very genuine, but then there are the reviews. Both good and bad... mostly bad. Then there's the actual schools, horror stories abound there, too. Yet, so many of these people who choose to teach overseas are woefully unqualified (I'm one of them) and looking for an easy way to see the world. Their passion isn't teaching, it's themselves. It makes me wonder how much of these terrible reviews I've been reading I should really believe. I'm trying to take it with a grain of salt, but it's a little overwhelming. So what's a girl to do?

South Korea is actually sounding the most dodgy to me these days. At least the program in Georgia I can excuse simply for going through growing pains. Much as the situation was not sounding ideal--thanks to my friend relaying what was happening as she tried to convince me to join her--I could understand a lot of it and would be far more comfortable dealing with the oddities of a Slavic culture than, say, a country where in the private schools you have the potential to have your passport stolen... by your boss. The Mexican teaching internship I applied for was problematic simply due to my own financial situation, not from any sketchy business that I could detect.

I normally trust my gut, but to be honest, these days I'm not sure my gut knows which way is up. I've had very positive interactions with the recruiting people I've spoken to, yet they obviously need to be able to gain your trust in order to ship you off to one of the schools they work with (for). Who can you really trust?

I applied to at least three different recruiting companies within a day or two of each other. Initially, I only heard back from one. Local, quite small. I appreciated that I had been contacted so quickly and not lost in the shuffle like might be the case with bigger recruitment companies. But, now I can smell the desperation. I was told there was to be a 'screening interview'. Fair enough, I'm hoping these schools want people who actually want to teach, not just able bodies with the minimum requirements. However, that 'interview' turned into basically just a pitch of what he was able to offer me in terms of his services.

Then there was contact #2, they too wished to set up a screening interview. This time I actually had an interview, one that included a role-play teaching exercise. Impressive. I figured they might actually have good intentions based on this. I was told I would hear back from them within a few days regarding whether they were willing to help me or not. I was expecting more or less a simple "yes" or "no" before moving on to the next step: finding a school. As luck would have it, they agreed I was a worthy candidate.... for Chungdahm. Wait... what? I went from screening interview to actual position-finding immediately. I did some digging and found a link between the two. It would seem recruiter #2 works for this school. Not surprising, I suppose. But it does give me pause as to whether this is worth following through with, especially since a lot of the information about the school makes me nervous. Yes, lots of bad experiences, but also a few insights into how the school itself works. Philosophy. Yes. As a method for teaching English to Koreans. Ummm...

Recruiter #3 I've had mixed reviews for from the beginning. Yes, they're big, and there have been complaints about that. But there has also been a lot of people who are seemingly happy with their placements. These guys I've been holding at bay for a bit while trying to figure out what is going on with the other two. I may just see where this goes and maybe I'll get somewhere that doesn't make me cringe, or maybe I'll walk away entirely. ...but perhaps not before testing out one last agency: Teach ESL Korea. All I've found so far on them is a blog detailing one woman's experience with the job search process up until the point of departure. After that, there is silence. So, unfortunately, I'm not sure that she was still satisfied once she'd finally arrived in Korea. If anyone who by chance reads this has any information on Teach ESL Korea as a recruiter, please leave a comment to let me know what you think of them. Good or bad, I want to hear it.

The more I deal with all of this, the more I'd rather deal with trying my best to find a job in Canada, even if that means temping for the next year and a half. Besides, I'm actually rather enjoying my current temp job. It beats the hell out of spending my days at home typing up cover letters and mailing off resumes.

However, there does appear to be a bright spot in all this murkiness: Maple Leaf School in Surabaya, Indonesia. So far, I haven't found anything truly bad about this place. It is run by a woman who is Canadian-educated, if not actually Canadian herself, and goes by the Ontario school curriculum, i.e. no totally foreign concept of teaching to adjust to on top of being in a foreign country.